dream on panzer

  You see I am experiencing an emotional crisis right now due to the fact I am listening to a very good song and thinking about a very nice boy I like quite a bit. I sent him the song and typed “This song makes me feel warm and sentimental and would like to listen to it with you” very fast so I wouldn’t second guess myself. I’m thinking about all the things I like. Next to me is a teetering bookshelf I routinely clear out that contains books I love but have scanned through so many times I can hum the words as I read. We have a nice garden and since the weather has been getting so warm lately I try to sit out with a cup of green tea and read on the bench by the overgrown wisteria until I seriously have to get work done. Picking out a book is irritating. I’ve read them all. I’m afraid that one day I’ll hate them due to the overfamiliarity– It’s a bad trait of mine, hating things I know too well. So when picking out a book I make an effort to set aside my negativity and enjoy it like I'm coming home again. The book I pick up the most on blistering hot mornings is Cannery Row by John Steinbeck, a rambling meandering story of scoundrel and grifters and the Doc they love very much.